I do an extreme amount of walking everyday in this city. For example.......I walk to the dog boutique I work at and it is just over 1/2 a mile. I walk there and back. I also walk to my subway which is about .3 miles several times a day.....my gym is the same distance. Often times when meeting friends for wine or dinner I'll walk a half or full mile to and fro. I think about my life in Gainesville where I would drive everywhere, even to get coffee half a mile away and I laugh. Your body just adjusts here. I went for months getting blisters, etc though until my body and feet adjusted. While this is great exercise, sometimes it's just so HARD and ANNOYING!! LOL. I often get to 75th and Broadway coming home from the subway or grocery, and I have only 2 Avenues left to walk, but they seem so long, and on cold, windy days, those avenues just about kill me!! Speaking of Avenues, to those of you who do not know......NYC is a grid system. From the bottom of the city, to the top, the roads are streets and typically in numerical order going upwards. For example, i'm on 75th and if I want I can walk to say......Times Square which starts around 46th. That is roughly 30 streets/blocks. In NYC 20 blocks is a mile. Going East to West are Avenues and they are twice the length of streets, so 10 Avenues is a mile. Knowing this is wonderful as I'm constantly calculating my distances. And this also has made this city extremely easy to master. East to West/ North to South. Only in the villages or Soho areas do I get confused as the streets begin to have names and go off the grid into little side streets. :)
I'm on the west side and 4 Avenues from central park, but I'm right along Riverside park which runs about 40 blocks along the Hudson. It's a really lovely run.
Anyway, I started this post b/c lately, on the weekends, when going to the studio (that's right. I'm currently in classes at the studio 7 days a week.....so I haven't had a day off in forever) I've been walking. My studio is on 7th and 37th (btw Times Square and Macys'). This is almost 40 blocks and several avenues and comes out to just under 2.5 miles. I started doing this recently not only for the exercise, but also b/c my schedule is incredibly hectic and has me running from work to the subway to school and vice versa, to the gym and home. A lot of my time is spent at the studio or on the Upper West Side, and I start forgetting the city and staying only in my little comfort zones. Life so easily becomes a drudgery here! So on the weekends when I don't have to be in class until 10 or 1030 and don't work before, I get up and walk. Despite that it's a bit cold for my tastes....this practice has been rejuvenating! Sometimes I walk up 8th Avenue after reaching Columbus Circle (this is the corner of 59th and where Central park starts along the West side) sometimes 7th or even 6th. I'm seeing so many great things! Restaurants, bars, cafes, shops---all that i'm dying to try and explore if only I had the time!! Anyway, Saturday is was a warmer morning--like 45--and I walked to the studio with coffee in hand and music in my ears (Pandora tuned to a Missy Higgins station). At one point in my walk, the song 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' by Isaac Kamakawiwo'ole came on the station. At that moment I looked up and the skies were the most magnificent blue with the city just laid OUT in front of me. It was such a perfect moment to me, walking at 9am, with a coffee here in NYC, on my way to my acting studio. I cannot quite describe it!!! These are those moments when I know I'm here for a reason and that my passions will one day be rewarded. I walked the rest of the way, with such an air of confidence I wish I had a picture of it. I felt that nothing will stand in my way and that I had become and am becoming an unstoppable force!!! I was at the studio from 10-5 that day and had such a great day. I had a professor of mine (my Mask class teacher) take me aside and tell me I was a great actress and artist and that I had something special that I needed to continue with at all costs! What a compliment that was to me....here in NYC! If only I could keep that confidence and momentum! lol. I now know how to find that energy in myself when I need an extra boost of confidence. Even if it's just at a bar or speaking with a stranger--that energy is a valuable resource! It comes and goes as it does with all......but I believe we need it when pursuing whatever it is in our lives that we are passionate about. And, I encourage everyone to find their passions and pursue them!!! Our lives are so short and our world truly needs more people doing what they love, as that is when we are at our best!!!
Well, I'm off to bed!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
New!
I haven't been blogging in awhile. I keep meaning to update this for the very few people who actually read it.....and also for myself, as it is therapeutic to write. However, every time I begin a post.......i can't figure out what to say, as there is so much, so I quit. Today.....with the encouragement of my friends I have decided to write as it comes......not feeling the need to recount every moment of the past 6 months. So.......here we are. I have had a roller coaster few months here in the Big Apple. To start...this is the most challenging thing I have ever done. I completely underestimated how hard this transition in my life would actually be, and it really only now is fully catching up to me. There are so many wonderful things. I am here in this city that I have literally dreamt of living in since I was a young girl and I am pursuing a career that I have wanted for longer. I AM pursuing it, but I'm not auditioning at the moment. Just as every professional must take a time in their life to study their field of choice......I am taking this time to not only study but to master my field. As far as this aspect of my life----well-----it's unbelievable. My voice has opened up and changed and I am ever more conscious of my body and how much emotion I hold within it to express and to not express. I am becoming a master of these things within myself b/c my body is my instrument to play and to open and experience. My acting has, because of these things, truly begun to flourish and I am astounded at times during exercises at how quickly I can reach into myself for emotions such as anger, sadness, happiness, joy, fear, etc. Not only reach into myself for them, but actually REALLY experience them. I can cry on cue and I feel so free. Now when I act, I am so much more able to BECOME.....to ENVELOPE......to BE whatever I am supposed to be in that time. How freeing!!! How I relish this time and this gift of studying b/c I can now see that while I have always had a certain talent, if you will, it was unpolished and I really was mimicking rather than becoming. In these aspects I sometimes start to believe that maybe I have a shot of attaining some success here as an actor in the next few years. Although, I am still plagued with uncertainty and doubt almost weekly. It is frustrating when half of everyone you meet in NYC, once was an 'actor'. lol.
This freedom that I am experiencing does tend to have its side effects. I am ever more aware of my feelings and I have become extremely sensitive to all of...........life. I feel so much more than I ever did and I feel often.......somewhat fragile. Perhaps it is also due to the circumstances of my life that brought me to NYC in the first place. Our first year of work though is to break down all the blocks in our bodies, behavior and our feelings that we have put up throughout our lives. So, when we have deep pain or we are hurt......we naturally throughout life put up defenses or blocks. ACTORS are paid (or not paid) to tell stories and convey humanity and life.....so we have to know how to really feel things and to allow those emotions to really exist and dwell inside us. So, for the past 5 months, it's been DOWN BLOCKS......ugh!!! So much feeling! I am only now in February, REALLY processing the breakup of my marriage. It has come on like an tornado. I mean, I've been dealing with the dull pain of it for awhile, but not my bandaid block has come fully off. It makes me feel fragile and I'm starting to understand that I need my blocks at times in my life, otherwise I feel too much and go crazy, and I just need to learn when to lower them in my acting. But it has brought all this pain in my life up to the front. So many questions I ask all the time, you know. Where did it really go wrong? When was that exact moment? Why do all our friends seem to be able to make it work, while we struggle? Are people judging me that my life is a failure b/c of what went down? I think it's good though to analyze and ask these questions though b/c we grow so much in our pain. B/c no matter how much there is, life simply goes on and with it I must move or get run over. So, I'm moving......inching forward into my uncertainty, praying that I will get back on a paved road eventually. Off-roading is supposed to be fun after all!!! I am really learning who I am.......and it's different than I thought. I have learned that I like being alone much more than I thought I did.....that I find comfort in time to myself (well with Bailey of course). But especially in the chaos of New York, it has become crucial to me. Although with this winter in which I am miraculously surviving (haha) there is plenty of time to be indoors and alone. I also am hopefully realizing that I am stronger than I thought and that this move here alone is a big courageous thing in my life that i've done/am doing. No one can take this experience from me. I'm learning more and more each day, that as hard as I think my life is at times, I'm really blessed with my family and friends and I'm so grateful to be here having this opportunity. Geesh. sometimes I still cannot believe it!!! I walk out my door into the greatest city in the world and it is my playground. hahah! Is this a depressing post? I'm not sure. I try to be as honest as possible and my life is a bit depressing right now.......but I wanted to write all this b/c i'm determined to keep this up and I want to witness the upturn when it happens. I think sometimes we miss the small triumphs and turn arounds we have so hopefully i can shed some light on them by doing this. I'm not going to even re read through it b/c I just wrote what I thought. To whomever chooses to read this.....please share your thoughts. :) More brighter posts to come!
This freedom that I am experiencing does tend to have its side effects. I am ever more aware of my feelings and I have become extremely sensitive to all of...........life. I feel so much more than I ever did and I feel often.......somewhat fragile. Perhaps it is also due to the circumstances of my life that brought me to NYC in the first place. Our first year of work though is to break down all the blocks in our bodies, behavior and our feelings that we have put up throughout our lives. So, when we have deep pain or we are hurt......we naturally throughout life put up defenses or blocks. ACTORS are paid (or not paid) to tell stories and convey humanity and life.....so we have to know how to really feel things and to allow those emotions to really exist and dwell inside us. So, for the past 5 months, it's been DOWN BLOCKS......ugh!!! So much feeling! I am only now in February, REALLY processing the breakup of my marriage. It has come on like an tornado. I mean, I've been dealing with the dull pain of it for awhile, but not my bandaid block has come fully off. It makes me feel fragile and I'm starting to understand that I need my blocks at times in my life, otherwise I feel too much and go crazy, and I just need to learn when to lower them in my acting. But it has brought all this pain in my life up to the front. So many questions I ask all the time, you know. Where did it really go wrong? When was that exact moment? Why do all our friends seem to be able to make it work, while we struggle? Are people judging me that my life is a failure b/c of what went down? I think it's good though to analyze and ask these questions though b/c we grow so much in our pain. B/c no matter how much there is, life simply goes on and with it I must move or get run over. So, I'm moving......inching forward into my uncertainty, praying that I will get back on a paved road eventually. Off-roading is supposed to be fun after all!!! I am really learning who I am.......and it's different than I thought. I have learned that I like being alone much more than I thought I did.....that I find comfort in time to myself (well with Bailey of course). But especially in the chaos of New York, it has become crucial to me. Although with this winter in which I am miraculously surviving (haha) there is plenty of time to be indoors and alone. I also am hopefully realizing that I am stronger than I thought and that this move here alone is a big courageous thing in my life that i've done/am doing. No one can take this experience from me. I'm learning more and more each day, that as hard as I think my life is at times, I'm really blessed with my family and friends and I'm so grateful to be here having this opportunity. Geesh. sometimes I still cannot believe it!!! I walk out my door into the greatest city in the world and it is my playground. hahah! Is this a depressing post? I'm not sure. I try to be as honest as possible and my life is a bit depressing right now.......but I wanted to write all this b/c i'm determined to keep this up and I want to witness the upturn when it happens. I think sometimes we miss the small triumphs and turn arounds we have so hopefully i can shed some light on them by doing this. I'm not going to even re read through it b/c I just wrote what I thought. To whomever chooses to read this.....please share your thoughts. :) More brighter posts to come!
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